Cold Water.

I don't exactly know what to write on here about you. People locally will have heard by now, because your on the front of the paper. This is so surreal. I'm, like many others, are convinced that I'll just wake up any minute now, that this is just some fucked up nightmare. I miss you. I feel like I took your last hours from you. I hope they weren't wasted on me. We could have gone far me and you. It's like it was destiny. You were perfect. But I guess it was a time bomb waiting to go off, I guess I'll never know why it had to be when it was. Why you had to be taken from me so soon, just as I'd found you I'd lost you. Your family are being immensely strong, it just amazes me. I felt terrible for crying like I did in front of them. But I understand, that they have to be strong for you, eachother, your brothers, the rest of your family, your friends. I just have to be strong for you. I'm not bothered about being strong for any one else. They can't understand this pain, so why do they pretend? I think your watching me in all honesty. My common sense in ways, refuses to let me believe it, how can you believe in a heaven without a God? But no one can truely know. Only you know where you are, all we can do is hope that it's a better place than this shit hole that you left us in. My heart breaks for you. You didn't deserve to have your life taken from you when you were so long, and when we had so much left to do. All your ex's, I hate them. I envy them so much. Because they had this time with you, which was stolen from me, they were close with you in a way, that I didn't want to rush into, because I thought I had the rest of forever with you. But I keep playing the last night over and over, and I play it differently. I pretend that it didn't go the way it did. Not saying that it wasn't perfect, because it was. You've made me the happiest I've been in such a long time. I just pretend that we had made that night last forever, that we had more time, no limits. I wish I'd told you how I felt. Because now I know that I was falling in love with you. I hope you don't mind me saying you were my boyfriend, because I know you weren't. I'm not insane, yet, but it just makes it easier to explain to people why I feel the way I do. That way they might just have a glimpse of understanding.
But I think you were in the rain yesterday, and the day before. I think that was you. It felt like you. I hope you saw the way that I smiled. And I think you were there the night I thought about drowining myself. I know you'll think that I'm being stupid for being so upset about this, but you were always modest, and never really saw how truely amazing you are. But I'm only living my life for you. If i had the guts, I would take my life in the vain hope that I could be with you again. But I won't, because I have friends, who I never realised I had. And I have a good family, somtimes. And I have memorys, and the fact that you would want me to be happy. So, my life now, is for you. A search for happiness in a world without you. I have to do it. It may be inpossible, but like you, once I get started on something, no one can stop me. But never forget I'm doing it for you. I have to leave a good life behind just so I can find you wherever you are when my time comes.
You've inspired me to be a better person, I have to leave behind some kind of impact when I go, just like you did on me. The world is empty without you. Things need to be accepted for what they are, as well as what they could be.
I hope your at peace baby.
I love you.
Darryl Thomas Ian Bell. 18.12.90-8.11.09 (L).
I'll carry you with me for forever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaAnuDQv2SI