I have..

come to the decision that it would be best for me to create a seperate blog for my media studies work. It would seem that these blog things are very good to get your anger out on :)

Fail day.

People say, that before you die, the whole of your life flashes before your eyes. So why when I saw you today, did everything we've been through just automatically start playing through in my head. All these memories. Everything you've ever said. Just started going round and round inside my mind. I was coping before I saw you. I'd managed to make it through till lunch without thinking about everything all that much. Even at break when you didn't turn up, I just thought you we're avoiding me. I expected it. And when I avioded you at lunch today, everyone there knew why. I know I'll have to face you propperly at some point, I can't keep avoiding you when your such a big part of my life. It's just not possible. But just seeing you, walk past. I can't put it into words. It just brought everything back. It was like someone had slapped me round the face and taken all my oxygen away, and all that's left was you. Anyway I need to write my media blog so it would seem. But hey, the problems will still be there later so hmmeh (:
Peace.

Love is a terrible thing..

HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO IT. Why? Why fucking ask me out, I mean I realise you'd been drinking but seriously, you weren't that gone. 'I dont want to hurt you any more' fucking hell your full of bullshit aren't you. Now I have to fucking pick up the pieces to the mess that you made. I didn't even agree to ebing with you ffs and you went and told everyone. You know I loved you.  GOD I knew it was fucking lies. Everything. It's just lies. You. Everything about you. It's just a lie. You've never been real. You've never fucking opened up to anyone. You can't even tell me how you feel. Never actually have set me straight on that. But I should have guessed when I noticed that you could never look at me straight, yeah I know, there's a problem with my fucking face but sorry, I can't fucking fix that. Most people have been able to look past how I look, but not you. Your so fucking shallow and egotistic, you think your so fucking amazing and too good for anyone. Your such a fucking cunt, all you do is hurt people and lie. WHY FUCKING DO IT. Oh yeah lets see how things go, oh yeah everyone me and Rach are together now. WTF. Next morning; I don't thinka relationship is the right thing, I dont want to lie to you... BLAFUCKINGBLA GET FUCKED YOU CUNT. Can't believe you left it to me to tell everyone it was over. If you could even say there was anything to be over. We were only 'together' a few hours. I'm sick of you. I'm sick of how you fuck me about all the fucking time. Yeah I lvoe you but wtf, love means nothing to you. I'm better of without you. Don't even bother talking to me at school tomorrow. Your dead to me. I never actually thought you could hurt me this much, but hey, here we are. Good luck to who ever your next fucking victim is. She'll never love you like I did.

Getting this off my chest (:

Okayyyy, so this is going to be nothing to do with my media studies homework, (which I should really get started on) I've just had a shit day, and people seem to want to talk about theirselves so this is the only place I could think of for me to vent. It's a possitive that I know there's not a chance in the world that the people this is about would read this. Stellaaar! :)
Okay lets go with person A.
You my friend, are a complete cock. You need to fucking stop ignoring me for some pathetic reason and not telling me why, then fucking forbidding your girlfriend from talking to me. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK! You can't fucking tell her what to do or who she can talk to. She's guna fucking loose all her fucking friends because of you. She has a life beyond you, you ignorant twat. And how the hell can you expect me to know what I've done so bloody wrong anyway? ONe minute your fine, the next you fucking hate my guts. GROW UP! And the most annoying thing about this? It's her fault. You should never have let her back in. She fucks you up, she fucked us up before, and now your letting her do it all over again? Whats wrong with you? Don't even bother trying to give me that shit about 'hating her', because it's a load of bull* and everyone can see it. You've changed for her all over again. Stupid pikeys. Why don't you learn?
Fuck you. Fuck everything to do with you. Fuck talking to you. Fuck being sorry. I'm always fucking sorry when it comes down to you, just because well to be frank, when you argue with someone, you go too far. And I'd like to avoid that thanks. Do what you like, I'm not going to appoligise when I have no idea what I've done. Nice way to throw away a year ini' mate. :)
Person number 2. I want to scream at you, so loudly sometimes. Just grab you and shake you till your back with me, to how we used to be. Your always different when he's around. I realise he comes first, which is fair enough, but for god sake, he doesn't actually care. He has her now. You know one of the most annoying things about this? Well there's a few actually. But everyone always asks if we're together. Or say that we should be. I mean, I don't see it myself. And no doubt neither do you, clearly. But it's horrible hearing it all the time, like it's a reminder that you don't want me like that anymore. Well maybe you do. But you most likely don't. I never know with you. I'll never forgive you for when you left. I never actually accepted when people told me you were that find of person, to just use someone. Maybe I should have listened to them. But it's been too long now for me to turn back on all of this. I've lost so fucking much for you, you've put me through so much shit. You never could meet me half way. It's horrible having to see you all the time, I never know what to do. I don't know what to do right now. I'm so convinced something will happen on saturday, but that's only because I know what your like when you've been drinking. Robin's was proof of that. But then, what if something does happen? What's school going to be like on monday? I know you'll just end up ashamed like last time, deny anything ever happened and make me look like some desperate slag. Why do I still fucking want you after everything that you've done? I can't trust you. You've hurt me so many times, why do I take it, over and over again? But you changed me. You made me happy and so unhappy at the same time. But it was worth it. Sometimes I wish I could do so many things different. I'd make you listen to me when I warned you about her. I wouldn't let you leave when you did. I'd make things harder for you so that you couldn't just walk away as many times as you did. But sometimes I want you so bad I just can't even look at you. I'll find a way to make things better. But knowing my luck, I'll just make them worse. But i'm not goign to give up trying. It's too late to give up.

I want you mine
Coz when I see your eyesCoz everything everything makes me think of you
And everything everything that I wanna do
I'm wanting you to stay
Why am I running away?
Coz when you hold my hand
I try to pretend
I'm not feeling like I do

I know you can see now when you look at me
I want you, so tell me now

Do you? Do you? Want me too?

Think of you

And everything everything that I wanna do

I know you can see now when you look at me

I want you, so tell me now

Do you? Do you? Want me too?

VERONICAS FTW! Well fun when sung loudly :D

LMFAO. Yeah I think I'm done now. Peacee out.

Friday Evening's Eastenders Episode. 11|O9

Okay so I never actually watch an episode of Eastenders if I can avoid it, and it seems that on this occasion, I was unable to. Media Studies lessons have control over what I watch at home now so it seems. So yeah this post's just going to be me having a rant about last night's diabolical episode of Eastenders. Yeah I really thought it was that terrible.

So the epsiode opened with a scene at the Mitchell household. Well if you can call it a household.. they live over a pub. But yeah, so it would seem that Sam Mitchell has returned from wherever she's been and she's on the run from the poliece from what I can gather. Apparently she covered for someone who killed a chap. Peggy just defends Sam whenever Roxy or anyone gets annoyed with her, and it looks like Sam's started to push Roxy out of the picture.
Then we go to the umm, Cafe i think it is, where Janine and this new guy ( I don't know what he's called.) have been plotting against Chelsea. In a previous episode, Chelsea had won a significant amout of money and was being quite vocal to everyone about it, Janine being Janine, decided to take advantage of this and sold her a bag.. ( yeah I don't get this part, I think it must have been a fake bag or something) but then in last nights episode, Janine's sidekick mugs Chelsea taking back the bag, with all the winnings inside. He then finds her in the Queen Vick later, accusing Janine of paying someone to mug her. He then helps her to find the bag, which he had thrown in the ally, minus her winnings. We then see Janine walking into her flat and finding all the stolen money on the bed.
Going back to the return of Sam, she's now engaged to Ricky, and because she is on the run from the poliece, they are both leaving for Brazil that evening. Ricky has to tell Bianca and the kids that he's leaving that evening, and well as to be expected, this doesn't exactly go down to well.  This makes Bianca angry and then she's saying how she's going to call the poliece on Sam to get her back in prison so her kids will have a father figure in Ricky. Pat tells her not to call the poliece, but to turn up at the engagement party that's being held at the Mitchells and take Ricky on a guilt trip and convince him to stay in Watford.
We then go to Lucas, who has previously killed his ex wife or girlfriend or whatever she was. But basically the mother of his son. Well to be fair he didn't kill her, but it was done in true Eastenders style. This must have been the only episode I watched through choice recently, but what happened is, she wanted Lucas and her to be back together and she to him to the shed, where she was doing drugs. I think she then started coming onto him or something like that, but then he pushed her away and she conviently was stabbed in the neck by a rake. (sorry but LOL) so yeah, he just left her dying there, this man that's supposed to be a religious guy and stuff. Yeah right. So yeah back to the episode, Lucas' son is upset that his mum hasn't come to see him when she promised him that she would. Lucas just convinces him that she was a let down and that it's better not to trust her and just forget about her, when in realtiy he's only saying that to stop his son asking questions about her, because he knows that she's rotting in a shed in the allotments.
Next we see Minty. And from what I can gather, he has a very soft spot for Sam. He goes to see her, offering her any help if she should ever need it. She writes her mobile number and her name in a love heart on a list of things that Minty's girlfriend had written. Minty then gets a visit from his girlfriends disabled son, threatening him, and from what I can guess, this is because he has seen the list with Sam's number on.
We then go to the engagement party at the Mitchells, where Bianca and her family have burst in, uninvited. Bianca tries to single out Ricky and convince him to stay but in no time she is of course interrupted by the lovely Sam. And well really, it wouldn't have been a friday night Eastenders if there wasn't a fight. Which, well to be frank was appaling. Aren't ginger people supposed to be like full of rage or something like that? But oh well, there was a short lived 'fight' between Sam and Bianca, which Ricky breaks up and he immediatly jumps to Sam's defence. So Bianca and her kids are kicked out.
Then we see a scene of Lucas checking on the body in the shed which is presumably covered in flys from the amount that were seen on the window. (Well duh Rachel.) And then we just see Lucas gagging and well yeah that's all.
Then we go back to the whole Sam drama, and we see clips of various people who I guess have been hurt by Sam in some way, who are all holding a phone. this of course is to call the poliece on her. (Good.) The poliece are then seen bursting into the Vic' demanding to search the premises. And suprisingly when they do, (and Sam has run out the back way with Ricky) all of the Mitchells defend her, saying that she has never been there. Even the ones who don't like her. But then Sam and Ricky start arguing because he doesn't want to leave, and no one thinks she should keep running away, he thinks that she should just go to prison and they can get married and be together when she gets out. Sam being Sam, drammatically jumps in some random car, which convienently is a converable, and conviently has a key in and is just convienently in the middle of the square. Well Minty tries to stop her taking the car, and she doesn't listen to him and is seen zooming away. It turns out the car has no petrol, and we then see the car slowing to a stop and then Sam running to the train station. When she thinks she has gotten away we see her being grabbed by police. Yes children, there are happy endings in Eastenders after all.
Sooo I generally think the episode just sucked. I now remember why I rarely watch soaps through choice, and haven't done for about a year. But Hollyoaks is an acceptance to this (: I think that the acting was appaling, who ever used to play Sam Mitchell after she was taken out because of her problem with snorting cocaine, was a much better actor. And well to be frank, the one who plays Sam now, has blantently had more work done on her face, than that what's obvious (septummm). The story line was rather weak and I think they tried to cram too many events into one episode. Just.. No. LOL.
Roo.