Liar, liar, if we're keeping score

But my dreams they aren't as empty,

as my concience seems to be.

I have hours - only lonely.

My lovers vengance,

that's never free.

If it's one thing that I really don't like, it's someone who lies for no reason. You would have thought that todays generation would have learnt something from watching Pinnocheo as a kid. Clearly you didn't. It was other the most pathetic thing as well, which I guess is what bothers me the most. Maybe I can't trust you as much as I thought I could? I really don't know right now. But seriously. This is how it went.
j:'Come out friday'

r:'Okay sure'

-friday-

j:'I'm not going out tonight :('

r:'Okay, no worries, go on facebook, I left you a message :}'

j:'Alright, will do when I get in'

The thing is, you can't even deny that you lied, because it's crystal clear that you did, jheezeee you're such an idiot. Thing is, you think I care that you didn't go on facebook? NO. I care that you lied when there was no need? You coulda just said there was no room for me & Amy or something, I didn't particulalry want to go anyway. It's not as if you were even lying to protect me. I don't understand it. Oh well.

Freeze the things that you love, & I shall let them fall all over her.

I guess there's a certain person I should thank right now. Well there's a few actually, but I'm just going to start off with this one person. I'm not going to say names, there's no point, because he'll never read this. Thankyou for just being my friend. For treating me like a normal person, being random with me like he was. For not thinking that you should be nice to me, feel sorry for me, just because of what I've lost. Thankyou for acting like you care. & Talking things through with me when the other half fucks me off. In such a short time, you've grown to mean a lot to me. Please don't leave me? I love you wife. Maybe one day we can order Pizza after a gig?

Another thankyou to my family, and mainly my sisters. I guess because of the age gap, it means we've never exactly had the chance to be terribly close. But recently I've been shown how strong a family needs to be, and mine means ever so much to me. Thankyou for being as understanding as possible, and I'm sorry for all the days that I shut you out. I promise to try harder. If not for you, not for me, for him.

To all of his friends & family, I cannot thankyou enough for being so kind to me. Thankyou for just talking to me, and making me feel a part of all of this. I wish I could have met you all under better circumstances, but I'm happy to have met you all the same. He was lucky to have you all in his life, as you were to have him in yours. We'll all make it through.

Darryl,

when you were here, everything was so perfect, I couldn't have asked for anything or anyone better in my life. But now, everything's so fucked up. I don't know who or what I want. Well, if it were possible, I'd have you for the rest of my life. If anyone asked me if I could have anything in the world, what would it be, I'd say you every single time. But I have to find a way to be happy without you. & Well I'm still working on that. I thought I'd found what would make me happy, and well that's only up and down, and now I'm not so sure. & Something else has come along which makes me happy too. But I can't have it. I'm just so confused, if you were here, I wouldn't be in this mess. I wish I could talk to you. Just take a break from all this, sit down and spend some time with you. Christmas doesn't feel like it should this year. I saw another sign today. Just this bright gold star on the floor. It made me smile endlessly. I miss you so much, I miss how you made everything alright. Sometimes I just feel like I should stop trying, give up with everything, with life and just fall in a heap on the floor. I'm not too sure if any of my friends would care right now. I'd do anything to have you back. I'll see you again one day, just promise me you'll watch until then. I'll love you forever.