Drama, drama, drama.

I hate how, it doesn't actually matter how you do it, but you always make me breathless. Right now it's because you've made me cry so hard that I actually feel physically sick. Why can't you just care about me for once? If I'm not talking to someone, don't you think there might be a reason for it? Don't you think she might have done something which hurt me? No you just clearly only care weather she's happy or not. Not me. You've just proved me right so I guess I should thank you for that. I knew that there was something with you and her all along, but no one actually seemed to understand, but then they started to see. But it was when they started to see that I just didn't want to hear about it anymore. Every time I saw you in school my heart always felt like it was trying to escape and I felt sick to my stomach. I can't even look you in the eye because I just think about you and her. That's why I'm not talking to her. She couldn't have stabbed me in the back more. I never did this her her and Chhibb. So why is she doing this to me? I've never given her any reason to. I was doing so well up untill about half hour ago. How can you mess me up so easily? She doesn't even bother with me when I'm clearly upset, so yeah, your clearly worrying over a great fucking friend. I love how you've both left MSN at the same time. I hope your fucking guna go see eachother considdering she's told me how close it is many a time. How can I have given up everything for you, let everyone else go, let people walk away, how could I have done it, just for you not to give a fucking damn. You don't care about anything. Nothing. I can't believe how I can actually let one person effect me this much, hurt me so badly. I know how stupid I'm being, I know how James is getting sick of me being depressed over you and I know that people are just tired of me never being happy anymore, but I just can't snap out of it. I know we had something once, but I have no idea where it went. I dont even know if we can find it again. I dn't think we will. I'm not worth that much in the eyes of fate. One thing I miss about the holidays is how I can't dissapear for a few days anymore. I can't just stay in, or just have a laugh with my friends and not see your face, how I can't just leave facebook or MSN. I miss it. Your everwhere I go, I can't escape you. And it's just getting worse and worse every time. Someone help me. I actually feel like I'm falling. Today I was determinned that I was going to decide on my tattoo, and it wasn't going to remind me of you in anyway, I was going to get one which closed this chapter of my life which was all about you. Now I don't want to leave this chapter behind, I don't feel ready to close it. I want that other person to come along and show me what a dick you are, open my eyes to what your really like and make me feel like im worth so much more. But I feel like untill he does show up, I'm just guna be hung up on you, feeling suicidal at every small thing. I hate this. And I hate you for having this controll over me. I hate our past. Mostly I hate how you changed.